Opening Keynote: Onlyness: Make Your Ideas Powerful Enough to Dent the World

Nilofer Merchant, Fellow at The Martin Prosperity Institute and author of the upcoming book Onlyness, shares with us a new construct for how to triumph over the status quo. Most of us want to make a difference in the world, to right the wrong, to fix what we know needs fixing. But most of us don't have the power to do so. The more unusual our idea, the less likely we are to have the power. And the ways typically used to create change—for example, climbing to the top of the organization—have often meant we adapt ourselves to fit in, rather than be the change-maker to stand out. It's why so many of us are so frustrated when it comes to big hairy intractable problems. One has to ask, is there another way in to create the kind of change that's needed?

As Nilofer Merchant took the stage with a strong stance and a passionate, almost wry look in her eyes, she planted her feet firmly on the stage and said, “As a brown woman, your chances to be seen and heard in the world are next to nothing.” This was, unfortunately, something she’d been told time and time again.

In 20 years working in the tech industry, it wasn’t just being a brown woman that created roadblocks, it was her very way of thinking. She was told, “You don’t fit into the shape of how I expect ideas to come.” And she was told she was, “too shrill to be heard”, “too young to have the experience necessary”, and “too old to be relevant”. Then the audience pitched in, adding other descriptors like “combative” and “off-putting”.

In some ways, how we feel about power, title and rank is external to us. It’s often predicated not on our own feelings of self-worth, but on the way that others choose to codify us. And so, we hide ourselves to protect what we truly are. Almost everyone does.

Fitting in often means disguise.

And this isn’t just for women. In a recent study from Deloitte, people were asked about how well they actually fit into the organizations to which they belong. And the results were similar across disparate groups:

• Black people make their hair straight to look like white people.
• Older people get Botox to look younger.
• Men pretend to like sports to fit in with bro-culture.
• Young people wear glasses to look more mature and more relevant.

The study found that 69% of people were covering themselves to fit in. As a punctuation to this staggering find, she asked the audience, “How many people here are actually covering some of who you are?” And almost everyone raised their hand.

It can be subtle.

As I raised my own hand, I wasn’t thinking so much about changing myself for status, but changing myself to avoid ridicule and criticism for being too different, even weird.

But when we fight to keep back who we are, the power of our ideas dwindles. “We can never be non-conformists if we can’t take the risk to be our true selves.”

Conforming is costing us our ideas. But Onlyness will help.

Studies show that when 50% of a group is the same, the rest of the group is compelled to join them. In essence, you will be forced to become a part of the majority. But on the other hand, if you can find groups that are 30% like you, then you feel comfortable resisting the majority. So how do you find such a group?

Onlyness.

Merchant defines Onlyness as “that thing that only you have, coming from that spot in the world in which you stand, a function of your history and experience, visions and hopes… it is everything that you have coming from your past, that only you can see.” Onlyness is “from that place that all new ideas come, grow, and become real. The fact that [others] don’t see it doesn’t make it any less valuable.”

After researching 300 real-life stories, Nilofer landed on the concept of Onlyness and ran with it. These stories were powerful moments of resisting the norm and believing in one’s own unique ideas. She asked rhetorically,

“What if I see something that no one else can see? Am I not allowed to have that idea?”

She pointed out that the conference alone is proof of Onlyness working; it’s all of us gathering as a result of shared values, similar experiences, and with an appreciation for what makes each of our stories unique. And when we hone in on this, our ideas can become powerful. “It’s the power of narrative. We try and hide the dark side of the narrative. Claim it.”

This talk was new for Nilofer and precludes a forthcoming book in 2017 titled Onlyness. Stay tuned.

Key takeaways:

1. We can’t be original thinkers until we are comfortable being ourselves.
2. Onlyness is that which only we have, built from our experiences, visions, and hopes. No one else can see it the way we do.
3. Embracing our Onlyness is a means of connecting with our true selves, as well as a means of connecting with others like us.